Party People

Originally posted September 28, 2010

I get practically giddy each and every time North Korea makes any kind of official announcement. So it won’t surprise anyone that the news out of North Korea yesterday was the highlight of my day—Kim Jong Un, the youngest son of Dear Leader, had been made a four-star general in the People’s Army.

Now I learn he has been named vice chairman of the ruling Workers’ PartyCentral Military Commission. Man, I haven’t been this excited by a news item since those grainy photos of Lindsay Lohan with a syringe in her arm.

After my post a while back about the fashions of Dear Leader himself, Kim Jong Il, a friend mentioned to me that though my acid tongue would never earn me an invitation to sit at Anna Wintour’s table, I just might get myself a surprise trip (as in, kidnapping) to North Korea. Oh, I should be so lucky!

Of course I would want to bring my imaginary BFFs Trey Parker and Matt Stone with me, for it is their puppet version of KJI from Team America: World Police whom I picture in my mind’s eye whenever I think about the littlest despot—which is alarmingly often.

But I digress (per usual). My only problem with all of the KJU news is there really aren’t any photos of the little prince. He is the youngest of KJI’s three sons and is thought to be 27 or 28. His name in Chinese characters means “righteous cloud.” And hey, if you don’t support a guy named Righteous Cloud, you probably don’t believe in unicorns either.

He is also said to look remarkably like his father, which would make sense why he and not one of his two older brothers is being tapped to take control of the country should anything happen to Daddy-O. KJI is nothing if not a narcissist.

In my search for KJU photos, I came across the now standard-issue shot of him as an 11-year-old, and then I got a load of some official photos that have been released to alert the world to the Workers’ Party gathering. In the first one, I was struck not only by the enthusiasm of the delegates as they rush off to the aforementioned meeting but by the fact that apparently wheelie luggage has not yet made its debut in North Korea.

All those eager delegates, and not a single one is experiencing the joy and reduced shoulder pain associated with wheeling one’s luggage rather than toting it by hand. Hmmm, could this be true? Or is this photo from ye olden times when wheeled luggage was just a pipedream in Samsonite’s corporate noggin?

Today’s photo from Dancing with the Kims (a new reality show I plan to launch once I’m ensconced in the palace) highlights the not exactly slimming silhouette of the Hanbok, the traditional Korean dress. I am thinking of getting a couple of these brightly colored numbers to wear for my now surely imminent trip to North Korea.

With that full skirt, I can probably smuggle a couple of wheelie suitcases under there and become a folk hero to all those dudes with bad shoulders in the first picture.


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