Diaper Disasters

Originally posted July 1, 2010

Oh, Jesus Christo, Mami. I predicted this, did I not? And did I not ask to be paid for my foresight? Yes I did. So pony up, universe, because designer diapers are no longer a figment of my warped imagination.

Allow me a little recap of the World Cup for the diaper set. The Redneck team scored first with the Huggies Little Creepers—or whatever they were called—but now the Preppy team has tied the game at one apiece, with Cynthia Rowley’s disaster for Pampers.

Ms. Rowley’s entrée into diaperdom consists of 11 “styles” available in mid July at your local Target, including these faux ruffled, floral and madras numbers, which make me think of nothing so much as printed paper towels—you know, the kind your mom used to have on the harvest gold countertop in the ’70s? What, plain white isn’t good enough across all categories of paper goods now?

Like most early-round World Cup matches, this one seems to remain tied. I’m just going to sit here wondering what we all did in a past life to be so blessed with such intelligent, thoughtful use of human enterprise, because if I had to write another word about fancy diapers, I think I just might lose my shiz. (Kudos to me for resisting a scatological pun this long.)

I will say this, though: There is no way in H-E-double-toothpicks that the Pampers/Rowley crew can top the Huggies commercial. Watch it and weep for the children..


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