The Pajama Jeans Game

Originally posted January 4, 2011

Somehow I let the whole jeggings juggernaut pass by with nary a comment or a clip of Conan in his man jeggings. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the ludicrous nature of the trend (is it a trend—do you know any men wearing jeggings?). It’s more that I felt everyone else was commenting on the phenomenon, and I didn’t really know what more I could add that hadn’t already been summed up by Conan, his nine-mile-long legs and his deep knee bends.

It’s kind of like the Kardashians. I know I should write about them, but something prevents me from doing it. I would say I don’t want to give them any more ink, but usually that kind of thing doesn’t stop me.

So please allow me a slight digression to say only the Kardashian Kristmas Kard was the kind of gift that thinks nothing of the recipient and all of the sender. I’ll leave it at that. I’m hoping in 2011 to see less of Kim’s big butt, Khloe’s big head and Kourtney’s big mistake, but I am quite certain this won’t be the case. I’m sure they’ve got marketing opportunities up their sleeves that a flat-assed mortal such as myself can’t even begin to contemplate.

Okay, back to jeans—that was the intended subject matter after all. I think maybe this post is like a rainy Sunday afternoon. You’re planning on doing something industrious, and then WHAM! out of nowhere you are hijacked by some Kardashians. Three hours later, you find yourself, mouth open in disbelief, still watching their inane antics on E!

You see, I found myself flipping channels over the recent holiday break—something I rarely do. If it’s on my TiVo, I’ll watch it; otherwise, I can’t be bothered. But all of my standard shows are in holiday reruns, hence the need to see what was playing in real time.

I managed to skirt a Kruel Kardashian assault (the alliterations just keep on koming), but I did run into this—a commercial for Pajama Jeans. I have no idea how old this particular breed of jeans is, but they seem to have found their way on to that Yenta fest The View already, with Sherri Shepherd endorsing them. This is the woman who is not convinced the Earth is round so you’re on your own if you find her a credible source.

To quote the commercial: “Do you love stylish, sexy jeans? Do you love soft, comfy pajama bottoms?” Um, yes, but not at the same time. I mean, seriously people. Have we really become so lazy we can’t change from pajamas into actual pants when in situations where others can see (and judge) us?

Basically, Pajama Jeans are like the pull-on pants my Auntie Chris used to wear in the 1970s, only nowhere near as awesome. Hers came in a variety of colors and usually had coordinating polyester tops. Pajama Jeans come in one shade of faux denim, and if you act now you can get a free gray crewneck all for the low price of $39.95. Wow. If that’s not an exciting outfit, I’m going to invite Sherri Shepherd on a cruise to the other side of the Earth.

While you’re at it (ordering the Pajama Jeans, that is), you should probably order yourself a walker and a can of tennis balls for the nursing home, because I’m pretty sure you’re dead inside and it’s only a matter of time before your outsides catch up.


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