Brian Wilson’s OnesiePosted: July 14, 2011
Last night I found myself watching the ESPY’s, ESPN’s answer to the Oscars. I tuned in because the very funny Seth Meyers was the host and he made me laugh so much at the White House Correspondents Dinner. I figured I would watch the monologue and then turn it off, but somehow I lasted through the entire thing. Mr. Meyers was funny enough. But it was his mancrush on the inimitable Brian Wilson and my cougarcrush on the same that kept me tuned in.
You see The Beard came in what he described as a “onesie”. I would call it a tuxedo printed unitard, but I’ve probably spent more time with the Danskin back catalog than the Giants hurler has.
To say that I love Brian Wilson would be like Gabourey Sidibe saying she enjoys the occasional slice of pie. He and his teammates actually had me watching the World Series and despite the absence of my beloved Yankees. Their weirdo antics were enough to make me a Giants fan (albeit a come lately one) and gave me a National League team to root for, which is helpful when the Yanks come up short or when A Rod forgets that the season doesn’t end in September.
But I digress. I need to focus on Wilson’s onesie. Holy Mother of God it was fantastic—it had attached gloves for crying out loud. To properly accessorize the onesie he wore several silver bracelets and carried a “cougar cane.” I am not sure if the cougar cane is to beat away the droves of cougars who, like me had I been in attendance, were surely throwing themselves at him or if there was an actual cougar head atop the cane. Either way, I’m totally down with it.
There were two unexpectedly (for me anyway as I don’t think I’ve ever bothered to watch the ESPY’s before) poignant moments in the show. One when Dewey Bozella was awarded the Arthur Ashe Award for Persistence
and the other when Arizona State wrestler and National wrestling champion Anthony Robles who was born with one leg won the Jimmy V award for Courage. (I can’t find video of the film they played about Robles so if anyone finds it let me know and I’ll upload…)
I totally like the ESPY’s!! But there is one last thing I need to address. You know how that Marine asked Mila Kunis to go to the Marine Prom with him and she said yes? Well, consider this your invitation, Mr. Brian Wilson, to put on your formal onesie one more time for a date with yours truly.
I don’t have a Marine Prom to go to, so how about you come with me to yoga class? You’ve got to admit that tux print would look pretty freaking awesome in handstand.