Red Sole Blues

Put on your red shoes and dance the blues, so sayeth St. Bowie.  What of today’s ruling by the big bad judge in New York, which says that Louboutin can’t prevent the rest of the world from making their shoes with red soles?  Seriously?  This is a topic of discussion for anyone in a world where the stock market has just wiped out all disposable income that would have been spent on shoes, red soled or otherwise?

Priorities, people.  Depression chic.  It’s a coming.  Get used to it.

I understand trying to protect your big ideas, but red soles are a big idea?  If anything, the red sole is ingrained in a certain shallow mind as standing for Christian Louboutin (the same sort of shallow mind that likes SATC and those horrible cupcakes from Magnolia).  So I would figure the more shoes out there with red soles, the more people will think that everyone is wearing your shoes, Chris.  Do you mind if I call you Chris?

I’m going to let you in on one of the really big secrets of branding.  You WANT everyone to use your name as a default.  Here’s an example or two.  Say you have a copy machine in your office and it’s made by Ricoh.  Do you call it the Ricoh machine?  You certainly do not.  You call it the Xerox machine.  Or let’s say you need to blow your nose.  Do you reach for a Puffs?  No, you do not.  You clear your nasal passages on a Kleenex regardless if the box says Costco or Hermes on the outside.  Now, I get that people aren’t going to start calling all shoes Louboutins, but the red sole is going to have them thinking “Louboutin” in their mind when they see them.  And that is not a bad thing.

So Chris, for the love of Pete, will you stop wasting the good court’s time with your frivolousness and get to work making J Lo some new shoes sturdy enough to support that enormous wig she’s got on her head?  She’s got to look pretty for the karaoke contest she’s judging on the telly. Plus now that’s she’s kicked the Latin Steve Buscemi to the curb, she’s more than likely going to be out on the prowl wearing…you guessed it—her red soled Payless pumps.

All the J Lo chitter aside, now that no one save the richest of the rich will ever be able to afford a pair of designer shoes again, I’m kind of looking forward to faking it in a pair of red soled Cobbie Cuddlers while I watch the rest of my money vanish into thin air.  Maybe I’ll get me a cupcake to ease my pain.


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