Emmy Ennui

Originally posted August 30, 2010

It is the morning after the Emmys, and lots of TV types are probably waking up with a hangover right about now. Oh relax—I’m not suggesting that anyone overindulged on the happy juice. Besides, half the town would have to run to a “meeting” if that were the case.

I refer instead to how much people’s heads must hurt from looking at dresses like that number January Jones wore that was constructed out of cupcake-tin liners and hot glue or the sequined football shoulder pad number that made Anna Paquin look like a linebacker for the midget squad that comes out to entertain during halftime.

Wait, do they even have such a thing at football games? Because if they don’t, I think I might have just come up with a real moneymaker here—midget halftime entertainment. I’m too lazy to follow through on this, but if anyone else wants to take the pigskin and run with it, it’s all yours. Well, 60/40 split—it’s only fair. This kind of genius is tough to come by.

So given the star-studded night, I should probably do a gown-by-gown rundown, right? Ugh, I’m too lazy for that, too. How about I just say this: There were a lot of bad dresses (Christina Hendricks, how come you look so great on Mad Menand yet you chose to wear Miss Kitty’s rejects from Gunsmoke?) and a lot of shows I’ve never watched (Modern Family) that seem to be popular. Okay, that’s about as much time as that awards show deserves, besides I need to move on.

You know what I really want to write about? This. This right here: Muammar Qadaffi, Brotherly Leader and Guide of the Revolution—or as he’s also known, Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Jamahiriya.

Yesterday Qadaffi and his lady bodyguards hopped on over to Italy, probably to apologize for the time in the ’70s when he ordered the expulsions of all Italians from Libya. Or maybe to collect some of the $5 billion that his pal Silvio Berlusconi agreed to pay as restitution for Italy’s colonizing of Libya oh so long ago.

Whatever the purpose of his trip (again, too lazy to figure it out and way more interested in making things up), he and the bodygirls clearly got this season’s military-chic memo. I love how the Amazon on the right will be able to hide out should the plane go down in the ocean, while the Amazon on the left is jungle ready.

I’m just wondering why they didn’t coordinate better. Or maybe it’s just best to be prepared for any possible scenario. Qadaffi himself is a clearly only going to be camouflaged if on camelback in a sandstorm.

Now I’m picturing the bodygirls thumbing through copies of Italian Vogueon the flight back to Tripoli, looking for ways to accessorize that don’t involve firearms.