Unkle Karl’s Ice Kream

Originally posted April 28, 2011

You amaze me, Karl Lagerfeld.  Just when I think you’ve done the weirdest thing you could possibly do, you go and top yourself.  Of what do I speak you wonder?  A chocolate statue of “muse” Baptiste Giabiconi who you will no doubt remember from his epic music video I dissected a while back.

Unkle Karl has directed some TV commercials for a sexually named ice cream treat, Magnum, which star Giabiconi as a grumpy fashion photographer and Rachel Bilson (Summer from the OC) as a fashion model.

Rachel Bilson is adorable.  She is also knee high to a grasshopper making her less than believable as a model.  Giabiconi’s photographer is about as realistic as an SNL skit, but it did have me wondering if he was secretly parodying his mentor in his depiction of a photographer because well, Karl has taken a lot of photos of him and he’s certainly spent time on a Lagerfeld set during a photo shoot since they all seem to involve him.

There is not a lot of originality in anything about this spot other than the publicity-mindedness of hiring Karl Lagerfeld to direct it. If you don’t believe me, use your eyes and then you let me know what you think:

So basically the only thing it’s got going for it is the potential for a lot of publicity and a whole lot of head scratching.  And that brings me back to the chocolate sculpture.  Why wouldn’t you sell your ice cream bar by having a designer direct your implausibly stupid commercials if, in promoting said commercials, he is willing to pull out a trick like this?

If you can tear yourself away from the white briefs, please take a moment to note the comical detail of the ice cream bar and the bed’s headboard, which is clearly fashioned from an enormous Hershey bar.

I truly wonder when Karl Lagerfeld has time to sleep.  Being a designer is a seriously pressured and stressful job—witness the recent travails of John Galliano and Christophe Decarnin formerly of Balmain to say nothing of the suicide of Alexander McQueen.

I am going to stick with my theory that he is a vampire, which could (please, please?) mean that he’ll be making a cameo on HBO’s True Blood when the new season starts next month.  I will so totally be watching that in my underwear eating a Magnum ice cream bar.

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Unkle Karl Klaus

Originally posted December 21, 2010

You know what I love about the fashion world? It is clearly populated by givers. This being the holiday season and all, I was thinking that maybe I might experience a bit of the old Christmas letdown. Surely you know exactly what I mean: ugly sweater from a relative, Ugg boots from a significant other when you expected gemstones, general malaise after watching whatever disappointing Christmas Day movie opening at the local multiplex, turkey overload…all this and more from the season that makes giving obligatory and the ensuing blues de rigueur.

So anyhoo, I’m cruising up and down the Internet over the weekend, and what to my wandering eyes should appear but a music video from Baptiste Giabiconi. Who the Sam-hell is Baptiste Giabiconi you ask? None other than the “muse” of Karl Lagerfeld.

Why would a fashion designer’s “muse” (is this code for boy-toy? I have my suspicions) be making pop music and then backing up said pop muzak with a video straight from the Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan school of video production? Well, clearly as a Christmas gift for moi.

The video for the song “Showtime” opens with our singer—or in this case, obvious lip-syncher—riding through the California desert astride a motorcycle. He has apparently been dipping into the piles and piles of rings that Uncle Karl has gobbing up his apartment, because each knuckle sports at least one silver bauble. (If you want to know what I am talking about re Lagerfeld’s ring stash, please refer to the unnerving documentary Lagerfeld Confidential, and you will see that Herr Lagerfeld actually lives a little like a hoarder—albeit a really rich, really chic one—with bits and baubles piled up all over his kajillion-dollar house.)

Okay, back to the video. Giabiconi has not only stolen Lagerfeld’s rings, he seems to have borrowed Johnny Depp’s look circa 21 Jump Street. From the slick ’80s pompadour to the plaid shirt and the studiously destroyed jeans and motorcycle boots, he is soooo Officer Tom Hanson it hurts.

About a minute into the video, there is some “dialogue” delivered by our hero in heavily accented English that almost left me as speechless as the “plot,” where Giabiconi is clearly messing with another man’s chick yet also rescuing her from his abuse. I kept wondering if this little chippie knew about his special friendship with Uncle Karl and either (a) didn’t care or (b) was hoping for some free Chanel clothes, because the Daisy Dukes and spaghetti-strap yoga top they’re making her wear in the video are ridiculously hideous.

During the parts of the video where Giabiconi lip-synchs, he busts some quite stiff dance moves in the desert while mini dirt explosions fire off around him. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to imagine he is setting off these explosions with his angry mind.

You see he is hopping mad because the girl shows up with a bruise on her cheek and clearly the boyfriend has been hitting her. Have no fear—she will be spirited away on a motorcycle to a seedy motel, where the Kaiser’s muse will make steamy video love to her…but have to make a quick getaway when the boyfriend shows up and busts down the door to find only an empty, unmade bed.

But you know what truly makes this Christmas gift from the fashion world even better than described? The text that comes up at the end: TO BE CONTINUED…

Thank you Kaiser Kringle. 2011 is looking up already.